Once Bob kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Bob: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quietly) So… what is the scenery like?
Bob: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Bob: Well that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it ….
A man was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university.
One afternoon, he was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, he started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch.
As he was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices, Bob, came along. He asked him what he was doing.
He patiently explained that if he heated the ….
Bob joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy’s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Bob: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Bob: Sir, ….
A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he’d go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went ….
A woman went to the doctor’s office. Where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “What’s ….
Bob reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, ….
CEO was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
Your wife called, she wants her sign back!
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use email.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived ….
There is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a woman organisation called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell ….
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, “Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife.”
The drunks replies, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was her turn.”
